Dance Recital 2014 - and confessions of a jealous heart

Saturday we enjoyed Turner's 4th dance recital with all four grandparents here to cheer on the tiny dancer.  Her ballet routine was set to the song, "That's Amore" and her tap routine was a fast-moving upbeat "Pep In Your Step".

Posing with friends Francie, Mary Carlton, and Camryn.

So blessed that all four grandparents could be here for this special event!

The next two pictures were snapped about 8 seconds after their music mysteriously stopped mid-song.  The girls were remarkably composed and stood there still and smiling (with the exception of Turner's momentary display of frustration) until they closed the curtain.  I think they were all just disappointed at the thought they weren't going to get to do their favorite fast part as the song raced to a close...

But alas, the music was fixed and in a fun turn of events they got to start the song completely over.  I about DIED when Turner began tying her tap shoe strings during the song…then I realized what she confirmed for me when I got backstage - she most certainly knew that with all the fast moving and scooting toward the end of the song "...the shoe would have gone flying off Mom!"

I'm learning that my Type A perfectionist tendencies may not be natural (or even on the radar) for my daughter. Frighteningly, she may even lean to a more practical approach to life, which she gets straight from Mark.  :)  I've got a long way to go, but I'm working daily minute by minute to set aside my methods and appreciate the unique qualities, gifts, and personality traits that are my sweet Turner.

D.O.N.E with pictures by this point...

In an effort to be transparent, I must make a confession.  When we arrived at dress rehearsal the week before the show, I was thrilled to have cute, well-constructed costumes and adorable peppy dances.  All was well in "dance mom land". In years past, the front line and back line swap places mid-dance to give all children an opportunity to be on the front row.  They changed lines for the ballet dance, but during tap I kept waiting and waiting…and they never switched.  My thoughts raced from, "Why didn't they change?  I pay as much money as other people do and my child is on the back row 3/4 of the dance?  Did she not know the dance well enough?"

I am hopeful that some of you read that and thought - wow- I didn't know Sarah was that disgusting and arrogant…transparency was my goal.  I articulated some of this to Mark quietly at the rehearsal and he was rightfully appalled.  He suggested I say something to the teacher if it was going to eat at me…but the dancer in me knows recital week is not the time for that type of questioning.

I stewed on it all the way home as I talked to my Mom about it.  As I started to hang up, I quickly changed the subject and began to explain to her that she needed to be emotionally prepared since the recital was dedicated in memory of Hayden, a 6 year old dancer who drowned last August.  She was exactly Turner's age this summer - a vivacious red head who would have entered 1st grade in the fall.

And then it hit me.  How utterly sinful and gross of me to be worried about a front-line placement.  Hayden's family (her grandmother a dear senior saint in my church) would give ANYTHING in this world to see her on that stage.  They most certainly wouldn't care what line she was in.  How prideful of me as a mom to let jealousy momentarily steal the joy of watching my living, breathing, healthy, beautiful, talented, and kind daughter shine at something she loves to do.

I am still convicted at my heart's condition in that moment.  But the harsh reality is that I live dangerously close to that line between "proud of my daughter" and "prideful she's mine".  It's shameful.

Yet I'm thankful for grace and the Holy Spirit that prods us toward repentance. Every day, every breath, every movement, every thought...is a gift.