I uploaded these pictures about four weeks ago, hoping to post a quick snapshot of the first week of school. I have since been tempted to just "click the button" and pretend like this has been an easy transition to a new school. But, I want to be transparent and honest, and I want this blog to represent a true picture of our life. The phrases easy, stress free, tear free, nor guilt free, would not be how I would describe these last few weeks. So, I'll try to paint the picture here...
Turner started in the Pre-K program at Lee Scott Academy this year, and it was such a fun surprise to find this sign in our yard the day before school started! Turner was quite proud of the sign and even insisted we keep it up for a solid week after school was well underway.
Since my job requires me to be at school very early the first week of school, Mark (being the awesome Daddy he is) took pictures of Turner with the sign before they headed out for the day. He also text me pictures of Turner in the classroom to let me know she had settled in and was calm before he left.
Turner in front of the school just before they walked in.
We are in Mrs. Leonard's class and we just love her, and the new classmates that have become our friends. Turner has already, in five short weeks, learned a tremendous amount and I have seen improvements in her vocabulary, handwriting, and reading. She does at least one art project a day (my favorite so far is the interpretive painting of "The Parting of the Red Sea" (complete with Pharoah and God's people), and has learned countless new songs already this year.
By all accounts and purposes, we have absolutely loved our school experience at Lee Scott.
One of the reasons we chose to go to Lee Scott was the availability of an after school program that met our needs as working parents. The first week of after school care was not great for Turner, and many days I arrived to a child nearly in tears who was saying things like, "Mommy, what took you so long? Mommy, you left me here forever!" Hello Mommy guilt.
Now, let me say right now, the ladies who work at the after school program have been fantastic. They picked up Turner's fragile emotional state and through many conversations with them they made several adjustments to try to help her acclimate to this new experience. But, every single day it seemed to get worse. She was basically crying from the time she realized she had to go to after school, sometimes at lunch, and most days at nap while trying to go to sleep. Eventually, this turned into crying mid-morning when thinking about having to go to after school care. And last week, this turned into hysterical crying as soon as she woke up, realizing that she had to go to school. She begged me not to send her back to after school care - saying she couldn't sleep well, the cafeteria was too loud, the playground was too hot, etc. The constant reason was the sleep issue, and I did start to see her being lethargic and weepy in the afternoons - a sure sign of lack of sleep for Turner.
Mark and I have been challenged by this situation and how we make decisions about parenting, when to stick with a plan vs. when to abandon, learning how fragile Turner's emotional state can become, etc. We tried sticker rewards to get her to not cry, we tried talking, we tried to ignore. And we have pretty much ended up with two incredibly stressed parents, and one very unhappy and insecure little girl who begs daily not to go to school and becomes completely hysterical when we drop her off in the mornings.
So....life has been kind of miserable around our house at times lately.
Last week, was the worst it has been. And on Tuesday we had just had as much as we could stand. We made some calls mid-morning and by lunchtime had it arranged for her to return to Mrs. Amy's house (where she stayed after preschool last year) that afternoon. I am so grateful for good friends who will welcome my sweet daughter into their home as if she were family. They were all excited to be reunited again in the afternoons after school! God provided (in less than 24 hours)
two people willing to transport Turner from LSA to Parkway to transition to Amy's house each afternoon. We are so grateful.
I guess Mark and I were naive to believe that this new arrangement would "fix" everything. We were shocked the following morning when the crying continued at drop off, and even more shocked when it continued every single day last week even though after school care was not her afternoon destination. She says daily that she just wants to stay at home and not go to school, even telling me last week that she wished God hadn't created jobs and school.
We realized quickly, this experience had re-ignited a separation anxiety that we saw a couple of summer ago and has ignited a powerful sense of worry in our previously happy-go-lucky girl. The best I can tell, she couldn't get any sleep at after school care in a room with others laying down (something she's never done before since she's always been in home daycare situations sleeping in quiet beds) and she was unhappy and felt abandoned, as if we were never coming back to get her. And this unhappiness turned into worry and trepidation for every next day. It breaks my heart to think that we tried to stick this out too long, and now we have an insecure little girl to rebuild.
We have had so many faithful friends praying for Turner, and our church has rallied around us to support us as parents and to support her as the sweet treasure that she is to so many in our church family. This battle is not over, and I do believe and pray about this as if it's spiritual warfare against her little heart. I've walked that path at many junctures of change in my life - overcome by worry, anxiety, insecurity - and it's spiritual warfare straight from the pit of hell. So we covet your prayers for our family as this is still not over. I do have a peace that she is now in the best arrangement for her emotional stability, I do believe this will just take time to restore our girl's heart.
Ironically, I snapped the picture below the day before school started while we were all playing in the backyard. I uploaded this picture to this post with the other first day pics beside the LSA sign - a few weeks before we knew what this school year would hold. I had honestly forgotten it was here until I started writing the text for the post tonight, and I am blessed by the reminder of the faithfulness of God and His promises to "...work all things for the good of those who love Him...". I can tell you that Turner has a heart that sensitive to the spirit. She told me last night and has told me before, "Mommy, I wish we could see God." I know she really wishes He was visible here with her so she could feel His comfort and know He was present. I am praying that God will bless her heart, restore security to her mind, and will fight the battle on her behalf.
